It's taken a while to get this post up and running. I've been rather busy eyeballing the country whilst it self-destructs, the footballing equivalent of watching the Aston Villa vs Southampton game on repeat. A game where the Saints team managed to respect the recent passing of the Queen, not just by refusing to play for 70 minutes for each year of her reign, but going a step further and referencing her lifespan by downing tools for a full 96 minutes of abject awfulness.
Like many people, I have a WhatsApp group with a few mates where we largely discuss football. They're variously fans of Crystal Palace, Brentford, Brighton etc. The type of teams that you would lump Southampton into, quality-wise. As with all things, we have a passing knowledge of one another's clubs, and they seem perpetually confused by my flip-flopping when it comes to Ralph Hasenhuttl. Am I a "Rinner", a "Router" or a "Raybe"? Well, that depends on which week you ask, and it forms the basis for why he's the most confusing manager in the league right now.
Let's discuss.
Whilst the majority of football fans will look at the two 9-0 defeats and think, 'how does a manager survive that', the right-thinking Saints fans (ie, those not spouting off on Twitter and Facebook) remain painfully aware that through his tenure, and under the ownership of Jisheng Gao, the manager has had nothing like the financial support of pretty much every other Premier League club. He's been working, frankly, with dross. The squad has been a poor one for the past four or five years - take the team that Manchester United defeated by that horror scoreline as a point of reference - Kayne Ramsay, Alex Jankewitz (for all of two minutes) and Allan Tchaptchet anyone? Following on from that disaster, Jannik Vestegaard was the keystone of our defence for a couple of years, and that should tell you all you need to know.
The turning circle of Jannik Vestegaard
This season though, we start afresh, with a £60m investment from new owners, Sport Republic, and what seem to be some smart moves in the transfer market, bringing in serious talents such as the newly capped Armel Bella-Kotchup, Samuel Edozie and Romeo Lavia (subject to a bid of £50m from the "let's buy EVERYONE" silver medalist behind Nottingham Forest, Chelsea's Todd Boehly, after a grand total of five senior games).
So, with that in mind, this is the season for Hasenhuttl to show us what he's *really* made of. This is the time to get back to the high energy, high press style that brought him immediate success at Southampton. The smart management of Ingolstadt, the tactical nous employed to take Leipzig to second in the Bundesliga under his tutelage.
Taken on the face of it, it's been an...okay...start to the season. A predictable defeat away to Spurs, where the team was finding its feet whilst playing a 'never going to work' formation with five at the back, followed by a creditable draw against Leeds, coming from behind once Ralph had realised that we might be better off if we actually attacked. That revolutionary new philosophy, plus the emergence of the new talents led to a win against a bog-awful Leicester, an unfortunate loss in a tight basketball game to Manchester United, and a cracking win against Chelsea. Off up to Molineux brimming with confidence to watch us get bored into another slightly unlucky 1-0 defeat against the world's most frustrating team. You couldn't pay me to take a season ticket at Wolves right now, but there we go.
Wolves Season Ticket Holders...
Okay, we'll take it. Villa it is. Big one. Manager under pressure, restless fans (hey, I mean them, not us). We've lost our lynchpin, Lavia, which seems absurd at 18 years of age, but we brought in Ainsley Maitland-Niles, the ultimate utility player for precisely these times, so we should be fine. Maybe after a hugely promising cameo, Edozie might get a start. For sure Stu Armstrong will have got his fitness up and will come in for the massively ineffective Elyounoussi. It should be a win.
19:00, here are the line-ups and...hold up...wait, he can't...WHAT ARE YOU DOING RALPH?
Barring the keeper and the superb Bella-Kotchap, he's basically picked last seasons team. The team that he has pretty publicly stated wasn't good enough. Okay, so ABK could (and did) play nightclub bouncer to John McGinn's chippy drunk, but this is a team that will never, ever, ever score enough, if any, actual football goals.
Look, we all love the fact that Moussa Djenepo has tried really hard at left back (though probably not enough to give him a new contract), but he's shown on multiple occasions that further forward he has something of the "George Weah's cousin" about him. And so it proves.
Ibrahima Diallo was a bit of a run and buy once Sangare's work permit didn't happen. And again, it shows. He's not good enough as a starter, and barely good enough as a sub, barring a couple of half-decent games. Maitland-Niles isn't even in the squad, because he needs to learn how to play without the ball, says Ralph. Oh. How about we play the best players with the ball?
Ibrahima Diallo. Neither Sangare nor McKennie.
Moi Elyounoussi. Oh man. A hat-trick against Newport doth not a good footballer make. He really is the epitome of very average. No pace, indecisive. He's the footballing equivalent of porridge - it's there, it does a job in Scotland, but there are far better alternatives.
The malaise spreads to the usually reliable, but ever-safe James Ward-Prowse. They're playing like a frisbee team that's just chucking the disc on the floor in front of them. A five yard pass becomes a Herculean task. It really is the worst game of football ever. And all this whilst Villa are absolutely there for the taking (they're barely any better).
And the worst part? It's on bloody telly, and my WhatsApp group is buzzing. "Don't worry, he'll bring on our exciting players in the second half" I tell them, ever hopeful. He does, eventually, but the rot is set by that stage. Edozie comes on and immediately takes on Ashley Young, draws a foul, and Young gets a booking. That could and should have been in the first minute of the game, but no, we decided to pick Adam Armstrong to do...well...what, exactly?
Ralph, Ralph, Ralph - you talk endlessly about bravery, but where was yours?
Therein lies the problem. It seems that Ralph has been scarred by those 9-0 defeats, and despite the addition of a new coaching team, is determined that first off we set up to avoid losing. It's a case of Southgate-itis. Defence, defence, defence, at the absolute cost of any real, exciting, BRAVE attacking intent.
That's not how you win football matches.
I've never met Ralph Hasenhuttl. I think I'd really like the big, piano playing Austrian if I did. Like the majority of Saints fans, I really want him to succeed because he comes across as a genuinely lovely bloke. But he needs to get back to his core beliefs of high-intensity, high-press, exciting, attacking football. The squad (it seems) is there to give that a go now.
The big, piano playing Austrian
Make no mistake, the home game against Everton is huge. If the teams come out and it's the same line-up, whilst playing at home, it may well be the point at which the new owners start getting a lot more scratchy about how shiny this new toy really is.
There's going to be a lot more Saints content to come, which will probably be more incisive and witty as time goes by, but I'm just getting back finding my feet, a little like Moussa Djenepo after his eighth stepover. Bear with me, we'll get there. In the meantime, please do give me a follow on Twitter at @74promotions, and sign up for content on this page. You can also leave your own comments at the bottom.
Cheers and COYR!