It's a tight race in the Premier Invitational Sack Cup - the much fancied contenders - Ralph, Stevie G and Brendan Rodgers are still, at the time of writing, in post, and a late surge on the rails from Liz Truss leaves us all wondering, "who goes first"?
And that's discounting the lettuce.
As you know by now, this site is mainly focussed these days on the trials and tribulations of being a Southampton fan, and in reality, we remain in a state of stasis, where the overriding feeling is, to quote Kate Bush, "It's coming". Ralph does seem to be a dead man walking right now, evidenced by the most recent draw against West Ham, where he clearly thought a sensible answer to the question "who should we use as a sub to change the dynamic of the game" was, somehow to respond, "BRING ON EVERYONE".
Substitution time for Ralph...
Disengaging Pacino-voice briefly, it feels a little like the club is in a "process" at the moment, sounding out possible new managers (as reported by...oh...the Daily Mail) and that we'll have a maximum of two more games under Ralph's stewardship, Bournemouth and Arsenal, before the inevitable axe finishes it's downward trajectory. On this occasion, one suspects a visit from Gabriel will spell an end, rather than a beginning.
So who could, and would, be up for the job, as and when? Who might be able to arrest the slide? Let's look at the 'top five Sportato picks' and also bolt-on a fantasy option too (and no, Kwasi, we don't mean you).
Sportato's Number One Choice:
Matthias Jaissle - RB Salzburg
Child manager required for child team
We've been talking about Jaissle for a little while now, and it seems that the Saints fanbase has begun to catch on - or perhaps they're all secret Sportato readers?
The 34 year old Salzburg manager has been making waves as the 'next big thing' for the past couple of seasons, and plays the type of 4-1-2-1-2/4-4-2 diamond, high pressing formation that might just suit our motley crew of young upstarts. There's something of the young Pochettino about him, and he has a track record of working with youthful talent, including the likes of the (I wish we could have got him) Benjamin Sesko. It would be an injection of energy, tactical talent and seeing as he's at the age a goalkeeper comes into his prime, relatability for the squad. Would he come here though? I wonder if part of dragging on the misery currently is because he's our preferred choice, and yet Salzburg are doing inconveniently well in their Champions League group? Chuck some dollar at him, sell him the 'project' and get it done.
Three More Possibles:
Bo Svensson - Mainz
Proper Bo...
Wheeling out the Danish connection, could we be looking at the talented Mainz manager, Bo Svensson? Well, you'd like to think so. Having started his successful coaching career at FC Liefering in Austria, he led the Salzburg feeder team to third and second place, before leaving to take up the head coach role at Mainz 05. Taking the German version of a Saintsy type club to 8th in his first season in charge (hi Claude, hope you're doing well), he is another disciple of the relentless pressing style, and likes goals. Which might be a bit tricky with Southampton and our dearth of strikers, but hey, he's as Danish as a naked mermaid holding a pan of bacon, so over to you Rasmus...
Kjetil Knutsen - Bodø/Glimt
You don't have to be Knuts to work here etc etc...
The man perpetually linked with every mid table Premier League job going, Knutsen manages a team which sounds like a lost chapter in a Lord of the Rings book. Perhaps he'd like to come to one of the Shires for real life? Regardless of the dubious Tolkien links, Knutsen's Bodø/Glimt side beat Jose Mourinho's Roma 6-1, which is the kind of deeply satisfying result to make me want to give him the green light to come to Saints. He's won two titles in a row, and for the first of these (and B/Gs first ever title) he only lost one game. So there has to be something there, but then why has nobody taken a risk on him as yet? Who knows. Maybe we'll be the ones.
Franck Haise - Lens
Franck Haise - as hard as woodpecker lips
Hard looking French bugger, Franck Haise was long-time (well, a day or so) favourite for the Brighton role when it came up, and with good reason. Firstly, he looks nails. Secondly he makes the best of an average bunch, which should be appealing to Saints. Thierry Henry, no less, called Haise's Lens team "contagious and impressive", and they've been bloodying the noses of the more reputable Ligue 1 teams for a while under his tutelage. So on the face of it, he fits the role very well. My only hesitation is that he prefers a three at the back formation, and whenever we've played three at the back, we've been bloody awful. Painfully bad. But hey, maybe he can get a tune.
The Outside Choice -
Marcelo Gallardo - free agent
Small but deadly Gallardo
Despite the fact we now seem to have a board that isn't at least highly allergic to the polymers that bank notes are made of, the draw of a free agent may well be advantageous. Our record with Argentinian coaches has so far read as 'won one, lost one', so perhaps it's time to take a punt on our third. When the pocket-sized Gallardo took over at River Plate, they were only three years out of relegation, and when he left after eight successful years, they're fourteen trophies better off.
Juventus have been sniffing around Gallardo, so you wouldn't think he'd be too bad a choice at all, and his team have reiterated his desire to manage a team in the Premier League. The only real issue with this is the risk element of taking on a manager who has never led a team in Europe. But is that a major issue? The only other potential stumbling block being that Gallardo's contract at River Plate ends in December. Could that be part of the delay?
Fantasy Choice -
Mauricio Pochettino - free agent
We couldn't, could we? Well, no, probably not
The only thing more amusing than Saints fans on Twitter thinking that we have a chance of getting Poch back, is those that say they wouldn't take him back. He'd be brilliant for us right now - his record of developing youth is second to none, and he has a habit of creating teams that are greater than the sum of their parts. Plus, he's just so goddamn lovely with it.
Chance? Nah, you wouldn't think so (though Villa fans are getting excited about the potential of him going there). Worth Rasmus making a call and saying "okay, how much" - absobloodylutely.
On to Bournemouth we go then, and with Ralph's atomic clock clicking ever closer to midnight, it would be really rather nice if we could see him off with a performance or two. He deserves it. He's been a loyal, enthusiastic and effective manager for us, but sometimes things are just ripe for change, and we're at that point now. Adios, Ralph, eventually. And we wish you well.
COYR!